I am sure I was a mermaid in a past life, not because of my swimming abilities, although I am quite proud of those, but because I am inexplicably drawn towards the sea. I love looking out a a huge expanse of water and wondering where it ends. I love the waves as they froth and crash onto the beach, and I love all the things that I imagine is going on underneath. I just love the sea.
So this weekend, I was feeling a little down in the dumps, life just has not been the same since Dotty Dog left us, and all I wanted to do was to have a walk on the beach, to let the salty sea air blow all those mouldy cobwebs away and clear my head.
On Saturday morning Hubster said "Let's go to Morecame", I ummed and ahhed, couldn't be bothered, not enough time, excuses, excuses, until he said "You've got 20 minutes to get in that car!"
Fair enough then, 18 minutes later my boots were on, hat and gloves dug out of the cupboard (not needed as it happened) and we were on our way.
I do like Morecambe, it's only an hour and a bit away from us, a few tatty shops, a few greasy spoon cafes, but a nice walk along the sea front and down onto the sand.
There are loads of these guys about too.
The promenade wasn't enough for me, I needed to be down on the sand with the risk of wet feet.
And soaking jeans at the back where my hems are too long.
While I was taking this arty shot, Hubster was taking one of me, taking it. Cheeky boy.
It was cloudy and fresh, but not cold. In fact quite warming when the sun poked it's head out from between the clouds.
We walked, then turned around and walked some more.
Lots to look at further down the beach, where the water has washed up all manner of sea treasure. Shells, crabs, the odd bit of sea-glass. And a solitary tennis ball.
I squatted down to have a good root about, see if there was anything worth pocketing.
...and this wee fella came right up to me to see what I was doing. I took a quick snap and left as I don't do flappy feathers, they send me into a right spin.
Crab! Sadly departed, or I would have thrown him back.
I did come home with a strange bit of pottery shaped like a mushroom, and a shell with some gorgeous colouring.
Oh, and a windmill, coz you can't go to the sea-side and not buy a windmill ;)
A walk along a favourite beach is probably exactly what I am in need of, too. I have been feeling so very much like you have been, about missing your beloved Dotty Dog. On February 27th, only a few days after I had left a comment for you about Dotty, my beloved cat - my forever cat...my soul cat...passed away, gently, in my arms. I miss him so much. Since that Thursday evening, I haven't felt like doing much of anything, but do it anyway, just to occupy and focus my mind on something else besides the deep sadness I've been feeling, and the heartbreak. Life hasn't been the same, and this house isn't the same without him - he was such a loving, sweet, affectionate, intelligent, funny and adorable little fellow.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy for you that you have found a bit of sunshine in the midst of all the grey skies that've been hovering around your heart since Dotty's death. I am trying to find my own way through the grief, and the first thing that came to mind when I read your post just now was that, yes...a trip to the beach might help bring a smile back on my face and a bit of happiness back into my heart...even if only for a little while. Being near the ocean has always brought me joy.
Thanks for reminding me to be kind to myself, and to try to find ways to bring back some sunshine into my life. And thanks to your hubby for encouraging you to go to Morecambe. I've never been, but it sounds like just my kinda place.
Oh June, I am so sorry, I know how you feel and you know how I feel. Unless you have been there you just don't get it. Getting out into the sea air did me a world of good, although Dotty was a huge miss, she loved the water, but we had nice memories that day. I really did feel as though my spirits had been lifted somewhat.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sooz. Mostly I have been keeping myself to myself, and my feelings to myself - especially around a few well-meaning friends who simply do not understand this grief, or the depth of this grief, to the point where I've had to keep my distance from them somewhat, which is causing a different kind of sadness.
ReplyDeleteYes...a trip to the seaside, and a gift shop browse or two, and a lunch at a cafe (or a greasy spoon - I love those types of old places that have that 'place-that-time-forgot' feel and look to them - a root around for trinkets and treasures while walking along the dunes and the stones and the pebbles, maybe some ice cream or toffee brittle, and yes, definitely a pin-wheel/windmill..
I just wish I could have saved him. I wish I could have had him here with us longer than the nine short years that he brought so much joy to us, and so many smiles, giggles and laughter, along with all the love he gave us. Those are the memories that I hold on to now, to get me through. He is alive in those memories, and in my love for him...
The one thing my Husband said that I keep going back to is, would you give up the pain to not have ever had her. The answer is always the same, I would go through it all again just for one more cuddle...... just one more.
ReplyDeleteKeep strong June, you are not alone. Time heals I guess, it's just waiting for it to happen.
Thank you, Sooz. And your husband too. That is also something I will keep coming back to - no matter how much my heart is breaking, and how much I miss him and wish so very much that he was still alive and well and here with us, the pain I am feeling equals the depth and degree of love I felt and will always feel and will always have for him. I too would go through this unbearable pain in my heart if it means the gift of having had him in my life, even if that time was too short.
ReplyDeleteI have been comforted by a few blogs and websites I've come across these past few weeks, dealing not only with grief and bereavement in general, but more specifically, ones for trying to cope with the loss of a beloved pet. There is one blog I found recently, by Marianne Soucy, and she has just published and released her new book, 'Coping with the Loss of a Beloved Pet.' She is very, very generously inviting people who would like to get this book to order the book - free of charge - between today and May 3rd - if they have a Kindle.
Unfortunately, I don't have a Kindle, and don't have the money at the moment to purchase the actual, tangible version of the book, so I will have to wait before I can buy it. I don't know if you have a Kindle, Sooz, but if you do, perhaps this might help ease your heart a bit, so I just wanted to tell you (and whoever else is going through what you and I are going through) about it.
Please tell your hubby that I send him a virtual hug for asking you 'that question.' A very important and profound question - with only one answer. I will keep that answer close to me as I remember my sweet boy, with love and with my tears. I remember the lyrics to a beautiful song by Morrissey - '...there is a light that will never go out.'